Don't Let Me Go
by Micheala Goldsworthy
Summary: [TRIGGER WARNING] Phil copes with his life without his best friend. Uses lyrics from the song Don't Let Me Go by Harry Styles. I don't want to give too much away but please if you don't think you can handle this please don't read this. Rated T because of triggers and mentions of self harm.


**Yeah okay so this is a story based off the song Don't Let Me Go and it's by Harry Styles and the lyrics are included in the text in italics but you should listen to the song on repeat while you read it because it's beautiful. So uh enjoy...**

_Now you were standing there right in front of me_

_I hold on it's getting harder to breathe_

_All of a sudden these lights are blinding me_

_I never noticed how bright they would be_

Phil never realized how hard this would really be. The last thing he remembered was telling Dan to leave. He knew it was just a silly argument; Dan just needed a moment to calm down and he needed a second to compose himself.

This video would be the hardest to film but he had to do it.

"Hi guys," he started. "So, I know I haven't really been active on here or Twitter or whatever lately but there is a reason."

_I saw in the corner there is a photograph_

_No doubt in my mind it's a picture of you_

_It lies there alone in its bed of broken glass_

_This bed was never made for two_

Phil looked over at their bedside table, to the picture of them on their wedding day.

"I don't know what other way to put this, but on Tuesday night Dan was hit by a driver who veered off the road." He finally said the first part. "And he….he didn't make it." Phil whispered the last part.

He looked over at the picture again before he turned off the camera. He got off his bed and walked over to the portrait. Tears fell down his face until finally he threw it on the ground and heard the satisfying crack of the glass as it shattered on the floor.

It had been the happiest day of his life. He had married his best friend, the love of his life. They were going to start a family together. They were going to live to old age with ten grandchildren and laughing at each other when they looked silly with their fringe and gray hair.

But now that was over.

_I'll keep my eyes wide open_

_I'll keep my arms wide open_

Phil craved Dan's gentle touch, his kisses right after they woke up. And the way he would curl up against him to steal his warmth on cold winter mornings. He missed his fingers pressed against his bare skin when they made love. He wanted that back.

_Don't let me_

_Don't let me go_

_'Cause I'm tired of feeling alone_

Everyone told him the feelings would pass. That he was still in shock. But two months later and he still couldn't even think about him without collapsing into tears.

He went out to bars and tried to drink away his thoughts, hooking up casually with random guys. But the day after when he would fall into his marriage bed and sob.

The pillows still smelled like him. He didn't dare to mess up one thing in that bedroom.

He just wanted his love back.

_I promised one day that I'd bring you back a star_

_I caught one and it burned a hole in my hand oh_

_Seems like these days I watch you from afar_

_Just trying to make you understand_

_I'll keep my eyes wide open yeah_

"Hello Internet…"

Phil watched his entire playlist in a week. He couldn't bring himself to do anything else. His own channel hadn't been updated since he uploaded the video to tell the fans.

He watched his silly husband do dares for the Internet. Watched them draw cat whiskers on each other's faces. He touched the screen and it was almost like he could go back in time.

_Don't let me_

_Don't let me_

_Don't let me go_

'_Cause I'm tired of feeling alone_

It had been a year. The grass was beginning to grow over what had been the freshly covered dirt but a mere twelve months before.

He placed the bouquet of red roses on the headstone.

He knelt down on the ground and wrapped his coat around himself tighter. He didn't cry.

"Dan, I miss you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. If I had known when you walked out that door that it would be the last time I saw you I would have kissed you one more time…held you one more time. I wouldn't have let you out that door. I can't breathe without you. You made me whole and now look at me. The fans miss you…I want to have you back in my arms. I want you here…I love you."

He could have sworn at that moment it was like he felt a hand on his back, pleading for him.

"I can't live even one single day more without you." Phil said as he rustled the bottle of painkillers out of his pocket. He poured a handful into his palm and swallowed them.

He continued to talk to Dan, telling him how it had been without him the past year until he started to fade.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them back up he saw a bright light and a familiar hand reaching out him.

"Dan?" He called out.

"Come here Phil," he heard as he grasped his lover's hand.

"I missed you love," Phil whispered.

"I missed you more, but now we're together at last." Dan said as he pulled him into a hug. "I love you and we'll never be alone again."

_Don't let me_

_Don't let me go_

_'Cause I'm tired of sleeping alone…_

* * *

**Okay so yes this story is the saddest thing I've ever written and I hope you guys like it it's really sad and stuff but it made me cry writing it and I hope to have a chapter of Was It Only Just a Dream? up sometime this week too. But love you guys leave your thoughts and have a nice day! (:**


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